Food and Bunnies

02/01/2011

Bunnies Molt So They Can Steal Your Food

Filed under: Bunny,Food — by foodandbunnies @ 1:18 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

So, I’ve half-wittedly discovered that rabbits molt. This means that every once in a while, you start noticing something.

There’s more hair in your hand after you pet them.

They’re furrier than normal.

And a little more bald than normal.

There’s more fur in the air.

And on your face. In your eyelashes. Up your nose.

You have to open your window and take the screen off to lure the fur outside. Sometimes this doesn’t work. Especially when it’s 6 degrees outside and you can literally see the heat escaping out into the ether.

This can go on for weeks. And no amount of daily brushing helps.

One day, it all comes to a head and you suddenly realize why rabbits molt. Not to shed their excess fur. Not to grow a new coat.

But to steal your effing FOOD.

You’re sitting down. Gently petting your rabbit. You raise that apple you’re crunching on to your mouth and take a bite. And then you’re suddenly hit with that vomit-inducing feeling in your mouth when you feel some kind of hair transfer from your food and into the tight space between your teeth. You notice a couple locations of this. You make a face and try to spit out the food into a tissue.

Until you realize, all too late, that there is FUR IN THE TISSUE. IN EVERY TISSUE. WHEN A NEW TISSUE EMERGES INTO THE AIR, IT COMES INTO CONTACT WITH BUNNY FUR AND IS THUS CONTAMINATED.

Again, you don’t realize this… until you are wiping your face with the FUR TISSUES. OH, GOD!

You look at your apple, cradled in its paper towel you used to dry it off and act as a barrier against the sticky juice apples leak onto your hand when you crunch it.

That wet paper towel is now a FUR TOWEL.

You pray it isn’t so as you look at your red, juicey, delicious apple.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And suddenly you look down in horror as, this whole time you’ve been petting Fluffy, you’ve been sending Fluffy’s fur SPIRALLING into the air, on your face, on your tissues, on your fingers, ON YOUR APPLE.

And he looks up at you. And then he nudges your apple. Which has already lost its value in your eyes. And then you let him finish the rest of the untouchable apple, save for the seeds and core.

That’s when you realize.

This was his plan all along.

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